Finished, For Now...

I made these drawings over the holidays. I just drew, and drew, and drew, until I couldn't draw anymore. I had a great time, but also a difficult time because I was in pain for over a month, and that was not fun. I have pain in a sensitive part of my body where I was sodomized when I was 12 years old. Some things never cease. I'm much older now, but I find the aftereffects of trauma inflicted are long and debilitating. I get reminded of it daily, and I tend to dissociate from my body because it was so emotionally painful. I'm safe now, but I have to remind myself of that on an hourly basis. Triggers are many, and I still have nightmares. I'm growing towards healing, and I'm so grateful for the love of my Mom, for she gives me so much guidance and grace. Jim also guides me from somewhere in the Universe, and his whispered words help me get through my days. I still have "conversations" with my late, big brother, and he shows me every moment of every day, his love from beyond death. I'm grateful and happy that I have such a loving big brother, and I know that when my time comes, he will be there to catch me. I miss you Jim. 

Run by M. Dickson 

Intergenerational violence has me
I am torn within my characteristics
The flagrant disapproval of your past experiences
Gone through the process of finding out what is
Approval for this piece isn't steady yet
I fathom in my mind to make sure opportunity was not enough
Together within the next step
Breaking oaths is the best way of distinction between
Crucial to our success leaves clues for our study
He ruined my life while doing it without peacefulness
Nowadays I found a better communicator for
We swam the world that we should not have, first-hand
Lengthened, there was segregation in my tomorrow's past...

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

New Gift!

Today I received a wonderful, new gift from my PSW, and family member, Curty. It was something I had recently remarked that I had to get when I could afford it, sometime in the future. He came in and walked up, close to my bed. Curty told me that he'd been to see his friend who had a repair shop. He told his friend that he needed this item for me, as I was bedbound and I needed it for my art making. Curty even showed him a recent photo taken of me with his wife, during a birthday celebration. They talked and Curty soon went outside to his vehicle. He saw his friend leaning up against the entrance to his store, so he went over to him. His friend said, "Here you go. You can give me the money for it when you have it." Curty thanked his friend and got in his vehicle and drove off. Curty then drove with Chris, his lovely wife to my home, to fulfill his duties with me.  He gave me this gift, and I was grateful Curty and to the Creator for giving me the gifts of Curty and Chris
Read more

I Got A Grant!!

Image
I recently received a grant from the Ontario Arts Council for a device that enables my art to go to a whole new level and I'm thrilled!! I'm going to use it soon, and it will enhance my art making. I'm making a project with the theme of Intimate Partner Violence and how it effects the brain and body, where trauma stores itself there, and has long lasting effects. Because I didn't talk to anyone for decades after the abuse, it manifested as health problems in my twenties and thirties, that were so severe that I became bed ridden. It also manifested as mental health issues like anxiety disorder and depression. I was also diagnosed with derealization, which is a dissociative disorder that feels like I'm watching a movie of myself unfold. When I am triggered by a disagreement, I numb out and split from my body. I get very quiet and withdraw, cry and feel as though everything is collapsing down around me, and I get extremely depressed and hopeless, like my life amounts t
Read more