I Got A Grant!!

I recently received a grant from the Ontario Arts Council for a device that enables my art to go to a whole new level and I'm thrilled!! I'm going to use it soon, and it will enhance my art making. I'm making a project with the theme of Intimate Partner Violence and how it effects the brain and body, where trauma stores itself there, and has long lasting effects. Because I didn't talk to anyone for decades after the abuse, it manifested as health problems in my twenties and thirties, that were so severe that I became bed ridden. It also manifested as mental health issues like anxiety disorder and depression. I was also diagnosed with derealization, which is a dissociative disorder that feels like I'm watching a movie of myself unfold. When I am triggered by a disagreement, I numb out and split from my body. I get very quiet and withdraw, cry and feel as though everything is collapsing down around me, and I get extremely depressed and hopeless, like my life amounts to nothing and I'm completely helpless. I get this a lot, especially when my Mom is being verbally abusive, as she does quite frequently. But I realize that she, too, was abused and she's just lashing out and doesn't know what to do. No one knows she does this, and I will not tell, for I don't want to be separated from her because I love her and need her. It's just something that I suffer with right now, and eventually things get better. I have multiple therapists, but they don't know this. I do this because I need a lot of support right now and I don't want to be without them. Please never tell.