Sadness

I'm very sad now. My life is filled with depression, fear and pain. I hate every day and I despise going to sleep. I hate having to use my BiPap and the mask. It's the only one that fits my face, but it wore away at the skin on my nose so some bone was exposed. Very painful. I have to use it every night even if I'm sick. My days are spent laying in bed with my tablet on my chest on a stand. Not much of a life. I read a lot of things, web pages and the like. I get bored easily. My Mom looks after me. She's 81 now. On November 9th she'll be 82. She's a strong woman. Mom's my rock. I keep going for her, but secretly I hate my life, often crying all day long. I feel no one cares for me and I'm often lonely. I've been sexually abused all my life. I came home from Scarborough General on May 6th after being sexually abused in there. I was not myself when I came home. It affected my mind in a bad way. I was up and down, often crying. I miss my brother Jim. He died 2 days after my 41st birthday. I'm still grieving. We were close and I have some good memories of Jim. I have other memories that are painful.  I don't like to remember those memories. I loved him and still love Jim. I write poetry about him. It always makes me cry.

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