My Art

This is me. Or rather my interpretation of me. I'm beautiful in every way. I'm the way I was made. No tattoos or piercings--well, three in each ear but no more, and in thelobes only. I don't believe in tattoos or weird piercings. I want to be the way I was when I was born. Unpolluted. Me. And me is mine. No one touches my body but me. It's been very difficult letting PSWs touch me--especially C. They're not gentle and I have to be cleaned well or else I can get an infection. And having as many infections as I've had I don't want more. I've thrown up all over myself and had it in my underarms and covered in vomit. Projectile vomit! Not nice. Now every two or three days I have an enema to keep everything okay. And today everything's not okay. It occurred to me that when I came home from Scarborough General Hospital on May 6th and they came to clean me the following night, when I told them they were sexually abusing me they did nothing but laugh. They laughed and laughed and laughed. I didn't think it was funny. We have an old saying, "what goes around comes around." I've seen and I've heard it, and I was amazed that my Mom was right. I remember when Laurel told me to "HURRY UP!!!!" when I was trying to walk that day while she hurried along ahead of me. I remember paying the cab fare when I couldn't use the bus anymore. Yes, so now I remember their laughter while I cried. I'm not a person that wishes evil on others, but I remember the good people I've met and known and I never forget that. Now K is having a rough time because her husband got shot recently. She sat at our kitchen table last night sobbing. Mom's more firm than me. She told me today about it and said she wouldn't talk to her because Mom knew they were making me cry. Mom told me that K was sucking up to her but Mom won't give her any sympathy for the way they ganged up on me the day before yesterday. Mom doesn't like people who make me cry. She's often told others I'm too polite and she's right. I rarely show people my true side because I'm afraid they'll hate me or be disgusted with me. That stems from being abused all my life. Victims often feel like they're not good enough or if they show their true selves then everyone will be disgusted with them. So I learned from a young age to please others and not trust anyone. Actually, I hate people. They do nothing but hurt and injure me and never treat me with dignity and respect. They're all a bunch of dildos and I'll always hate them. They do nothing but cause me pain. Not Mom though but pretty much everyone else at one time or other. Mom sometimes tells me that I feel sorry for myself. I have to because no one else will. It's not pity I need, but compassion. There's a difference. Empathy Kurt Cobain said. I miss that guy. He made great music too. There are some on Twitter that are good to me. They're not dildos. They are good people like Jennifer Gibson. She's a good lady. I wish she was my friend. I'm crying now...
 
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