Abuse of Me

Its been a lifelong journey for me. I've been sexually abused since I was two or three. I just came home from a four week stint in Scarborough General Hospital where I was sexually abused by a female RN. I reported it to the Police but they didn't even acknowledge the typed report I spent three hours making on May 29th. I re-reported it a few days ago, and got a phone call where a woman said no officers would be coming. What a bunch of buggers. They're the same as they were when I was eleven, where I called them because Mom's third husband would get drunk every night after work and come home to beat her. I was alone as my older brother would get on his bicycle and leave me alone to call police to tell them to come because he was going to kill her. They'd come, sit them down and talk, never doing anything for the woman or the children. One pig even came on to me and said, " Oh you're a cute little thing. Why don't we go out sometime?!" I was disgusted. I was eleven years old! This creep drooling over an eleven year old child?! I'm sorry God. You love them because I can't. Ever since then I've been depressed. I even had a grudge against my seven year older brother because he'd leave me alone to do everything when Mom would scream my name saying "Help me!!!!" Our maternal grandmother lived on the main floor and she would lock her door and I'd scream for her to open the door to help me. She did not. I went through misery with Mom's third husband because he would molest me too. I hated that piece of crap and I still do. That's the only person I hated and will always hate for what he put Mom and I through. If when I die I'm facing the last judgement, then I'll face whatever. I don't care. I've suffered enough. I went through sexual torture with the only boyfriend I ever had. I put up with that for a year and a week. Then I listened to my Mom and left him. I went through a horrible depression and put on a lot of weight. After that I was sick for a year and hardly ate or bathed. I lost 150 pounds and taught myself to walk again. Man, it's been an awful long and hard road. Now I'm listening to a book called " It Wasn't Your Fault" learning about self compassion. I'm hoping to complete it and it's unabridged. God knows it's a long time coming.

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